I Want a Wife

 
"I Want A Wife" By Judy Syfers

"I Want A Wife"

By Judy Syfers

I belong to that classification of people known as wives. Iam A Wife. And, not altogether incidentally, I am a mother.

 

Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scenefresh from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife.He is looking for another wife. As I thought about him while I was ironing oneevening, it suddenly occurred to me that I too, would like to have a wife. Whydo I want a wife?

 

I would like to go back to school so that I can becomeeconomically independent, support myself, and if need be, support thosedependent upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And whileI am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children. I want a wife awife to keep track of the children's doctor and dentist appointments. And tokeep track of mine, too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat properlyand are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children's clothes and keepthem mended. I want a wife who is a good nurturing attendant to my children,who arranges for their schooling, makes sure that they have an adequate sociallife with their peers, takes them to the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takescare of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around whenthe children need special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes atschool. My wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It maymean a small cut in my wife's income from time to time, but I guess I cantolerate that. Needless to say,  my wifewill arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wife is working.

 

I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. Iwant a wife who will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after my children,a wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean,ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personalthings are kept in their proper place so that I can find what I need the minuteI need it. I want a wife who cooks the meals, a wife who is a good cook. I wanta wife who will  plan the menus, do thenecessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and thendo the cleaning up while I do my   studying. I want a wife who will care for mewhen I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school. I wanta wife to go along when our family takes a vacation so that someone cancontinue care for me and my when I need a rest and change of scene.

 

I want a wife who will not bother me with ramblingcomplaints about a wife's duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me whenI feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my courseof studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I havewritten them.

 

I want a wife who will take care of the details of my sociallife. When my wife and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who takecare of the baby-sitting arrangements. When I meet people at school that I likeand want to entertain, I want a wife who will have  the house clean, will prepare a special meal,serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about things thatinterest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged that thechildren

are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so thatthe children do not bother us. I want a wife who takes care of the needs of my questsso that they feel comfortable, who makes sure that they have an ashtray, thatthey are passed the hors d'oeuvres, that they are offered a second helping ofthe food, that their wine glasses are replenished when necessary, that theircoffee is served to them as they like it. And I want a wife who knows thatsometimes I need a     night out by myself.

 

I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wifewho makes love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes surethat I am satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand sexualattention when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes thecomplete responsibility for birth control,    because I do not want morechildren. I want a wife who will remain sexually faithful to me so that I donot have to clutter up my        intellectual life with jealousies. And I wanta wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail more than strictadherence to monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate to people as fullyas possible.

 

If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wifethan the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife withanother one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will take thechildren and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.         

 

When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wifeto quit working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completelytake care of a wife's duties.

 

My God, who wouldn'twant a wife?

 

 

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